Coming back:Journey back to the Self

You walk and walk and walk,all the time getting further away from yourself.You get to the edge of the cliff and realize if you walk any further you will fall into the ocean.That is when you need to decide whether you drown or you find your way back.

As for me ,this is the first time that I`m going towards something rather than running away from something.This is the first time that I`m making decisions that are not driven by pain or some crisis of some sort.

Finding you way back is the most difficult journey you will ever make.On your way back you might take the exact same road you used to leave.That road might be familiar but it will cause you pain because you are trying to get back from where you started and you are trying to get back because you realize that the road you took was not your intended one.So taking the same road back would be foolish.

Coming back will cause you fear like you`ve never experienced before.Just like I said,leaving was the easy bit because you just stumbled your way through but coming back requires taking deliberate ,calculated steps that only you are responsible for.Coming back will teach you about yourself ,about responsibilty.You will realize that there is noone to blame.There was never anyone to blame.You had the gift and the power to choose all along.

This road that you have not travelled beforewill be your roller coaster ride and it will require you to hang on tight.You will need your friends,your family and anyone else that you deem necessary to help you.You will stir the ride but you need not do it alone.The journey is still yours but you needn`t be alone.You will be uncertain,you will be confused,you will lose your confidence.You will have your highs and you will have the extremes of lows.You will lose your ego confidence but you will start to gain inner strenght and wisdom.You will wonder if it`s worth the pain and effort.You will want to give up.You will hate everyone and everything.You will hate yourself for having let yourself go this far.You will stomp your feet.

You wont have any tears to shed.You will have rendered yourself emotionless on your journey away from yourself/your soul.You will want to cry but no tears will come.You will want to love but all you will feel is a big gaping hole where your heart once was.You will despair.You will wonder if you`ll ever be whole again.If you`ll be able to recognize yourself when you meet yourself coming back.The fear will paralyse you and for a while you will remain paralysed,yet you won`t be paralysed for the Universe will be preparing and conniving with you to get you back where you belong.You will experience waves of emotion that will stun and take your breath away.You will want to run away and keep running.You will run but you will find yourself.You will hide but you will find yourself.You will ignore yourself but you cant ignore yourself.You will meet yourself fullface.You will be shocked into standing still.You will have to decide,decide whether you want to reject yourself yet again or take your own hand and lead yourself back home.

You will have decisions and choices to make.You will either go down the very same route you`ve just returned from or find a new one that depicts who you truly are.Most of us travel the old route several times until we are brave enough to choose a new one.Some of us choose the same old painful route.If you decide to choose the new route that depicts the real you,your journey begins to unfold wit astounding results.You begin to recognize yoyrself,your real self,the self you have been trying to escape all along.It is a painful realization to think of the wasted years ,the wasted opportunities,bad choices,bad decisions,the lives you have affected,but then you realize all this needed to happen to bring you back to yourself.You have to take time to digest this.You have to sit still here to truly understand the impact of your decisions,your choices...of becoming you.If you rush this stage you will fall back into the old route,the old ways.Take time to savour this stage and to really understand.It is veryimportant for me to make sure you understand the importance of this stage.This is the stage where you can lose everything,everything that you have worked and fought so hard for.You will doubt yourself,others will doubt you.You will begin to feel that this is too easy,too simple a concept.You will begin to rationalize and derationalize things.You will start to look for excuses to sabotage yourself.These are all normal emotions and feelings but whatever you do DON`T act on them.This is the time to fight for yourself,this is the time to bring out ALL the tools you have gathered along the way.Hang in there for it will soon get better.Get yourself a coach,see a spiritual counsellor,find anyone and everyone who resonates with you.

This is the stage where you begin to cry.You cry because you are clearing out all the mess,the muck,you are removing the scabs,you are healing the scars,you are cleaning out the closet.All the stuff will come out.You will experience weird situations.You might be "led" to do weird rituals.Trust this process,don`t question it.Listen to yourself,listen to your soul.Listen to any messages that are rising from deep within you.The ego is flailing,trying to catch your attention.By this time you know who is who.Spirit or ego.Hang in there.Let all the pain,the fear,the doubt,the self loathing all wash away with your tears.Feel the cleansing.Feel the love,feel the support,all coming from within.Your true self is about to be revealed.Stay there.Savour the moments.Love everything.Love everyone.