Too much to drink

Today I ve had too much to drink but to be fair I havent had any alcoholic drink since maybe New Year.Ohhhhh I m such a good girl.Oh I do remember drinking in Cheltenham with my new best friends of the first ever Happynurses coach training.We laughed like hyenas ,,not that I know how hyenas laugh...

I want to tell you about what I wrote on the 2nd of April.I wrote this in my notebook because I was a bit embarrassed about sharing it out.Thats the trouble with me you know...I tend to hide away the real me until someone says Im too cool to hide then like a tortiose I show my head ..however I made a commitment to myself in Cheltenham that I was going to be true to myself.I will tell you more about what happened in Cheltenham in another blog...honestly

On the 2nd of April I was listening to Dr Wayne Dyers CD "Being In Balance" and I was busy agreeing with EVERYTHING that he was saying...well a lot of it anyway! I started eating ,first it was a cup of tea,then it was ovaltine,then a plum,a cheese toastee,another cup of tea! I know when I feel this way that I am trying to avoid something...the something that arises from deep within me and that the only way I can stifle that is to to feed "it".I also know that I m supposed to listen to "it" but the "it"is what scares me.What if "it" says that Im going to die or my son`s going to die or worse that I`m amazing.You see,i`ts the greatness that i`m scared of the most.The bad news I can handle.God knows I`ve handled so many bad news in the past,i`ts the good news that is difficult.What if I`m blooming amazing,fabulous,gorgeous,lovely,loved,loving,fancied?O h dear,that would be a really difficult one!...but then I decide that tonight`s the night that I`m going to take chances.I`m going to listen to "it".This "it" is what I believe is my spirit.I believe that "it"is essentially really good,kind,loving,thoughtful,wise,old and wants to teach me all the good ways.I have lit my incense sticks,candles on the burn and bid Dr Dyer goodnight."It" tells me to turn the lights out and sit cross legged on my bedroom door with my back firmly to the door.I sit with my back straight,elbows resting on my thighs and forefinger and thumb pressed together.I close my eyes,it`s dark and my mind is saying all sorts.I try to concerntrate on my breathing but I start to feel breathless and begin to hyperventilate which then defeats the purpose of trying to calm down.

I start to sneeze because I have snorted some African snuff..actually I have sampled some on my tongue.Oh THE THINGS YOU DO TO FIND MEANING OR WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR!I sit still and wait and I can feel "the feeling"of something coming up in my belly.I know this feeling so well and this is the feeling I get and the one I try and avoid by eating!I am awake and make a conscious decision to "accept"as Claire has suggested in my coaching with her(I will introduce Claire later folks,be patient)

I await patiently,accepting that what will be will be and voille! A grand old lady appears.She is carrying itshoba (horsetail attached to a stick)and she has dunked it in African beer.She proceeds to cleanse me with with it by wiping me up and down with it from head to torso.She pours the beer over my head so that the rest flows over my body.She then puts iqhaga(the beer pot) on my head and asks me to hold it there with both my hands so that both my arms are up supportinmg the pot.She continues to cleanse me down to my toes and when I have been thoroughly cleansed she asks me to scoop my hands in front of my face and asks me to kiss them softly and then imitate washing my face.She then instructs me to "go out there and find myself a man"

I really dont know what to think about all this and wonder if Im truly losing the plot!The next day I visit my sister(you know,the one Ive been confiding in)I tell her about my "weird" event and she gasps and tell me that that is the traditional ceremony that is done when one is getting married.My knees buckle,Ive been asking for proof all along that Im not hallucinating or imagining things and there it is..
Is it enough to convince me that there is more to me than just the flesh? Does this mean that my spirit is definitely African.Im still searching dear reader but I know for sure that there is more to me than this flesh and bone that you see... and I intend to find out who I am deep, deep ,deep within.

Until then...keep reading