Coach vs Guru vs Sage

I've been looking forward to my 3rd coaching session with Claire. It's been a hectic 2 weeks. Claire coaches me every 2 weeks and this past week I've been agitated. I am so agitated I'm even drinking coffee (yes i know what you are thinking) i don't want to sit still because then i will start to get 'messages' Dr Brian Weiss calls them 'messages from the masters' in his book of the same title. Some call the messages from the universe, the self etc. At this point in time i am convinced they are hallucinations maybe I'm deluded thinking there is more to me than flesh and bone. I can't wait to speak to Claire because for some reason i am totally myself when i speak to her and its so liberating. I feel safe, nurtured, loved even. I feel important, clever, special yet normal and ordinary. Don't get me wrong, Claire has assured me she is no superwoman, that she herself, is a fallible human being. I think this is what makes me relaxed and totally myself, uncensored. At 2 o'clock on the dot i breathlessly dial Claire's number.She picks up and we go straight to the point. 'I'm struggling' i say. She's quiet. 'I don't know who i am! i don't know what i want'. Of course i know who i and and what i want. The problem is i have been over thinking everything and i mean everything. Claire asks for more information. I feel awkward, can't express myself...or is it that i wont. It all comes tumbling out ' I'm SCARED!' of what she asks 'of what the messages might tell me' like what she probes 'well' i splutter i know what I'm supposed to do. The messages have been coming thick and fast in he last week. I know that I'm supposed to sit still, listen to myself and just be, but i tell you, this is easier said than done. I've been avoiding myself for a very long time. I've gone to a Buddhist monk to try and find out what I'm looking for. She kindly and expertly taught me how to meditate and i can do that with no qualms. I have discussed the Bible with anyone that cared to listen. I have been Sikh temple. I have been to a lot of places and yet I'm scared to come to me.

I decide that the only action plan i have to take for the next two weeks is to sit still and listen to me. It scares me witless. Back to the what ifs!, but i made a commitment to myself in Cheltenham and I'm not about to let myself down. I promised myself! Claire is my support. At this point i feel a certain kinship with her. She is my coach, my mentor, my sister and most of all she is there for me.

There is one thing i have to say about the coaching process and please accept that this is my own personal perspective. Don't be coached if you're not ready to put in the hard work yourself. Coaching will reveal stuff to you that you are hiding from, that you may not want to see or know. It will spring stuff up right into your face and you will have to make split second decisions, fight or flight. By fight i mean stay in the moment and meet your challenges and hence grow and transform or flight, run away and keep running like you've been doing! This is the running that's kept me in pain for a very long time. you can run but you cannot run. Running keeps you in pain i have made a decision to fight, to fight for myself like I've never fought before. Fight for my self respect, for my love for myself, for my power that lies within, for my freedom to be my true self. The true self that scares me so much because this true self feels so powerful, so powerful that i think my physical self will not cope. This is why Claire is so important to me. This is why i am so important to me. I'm now fighting to unite my spirit self and my physical self. This is a journey i would never have taken alone. This is a journey that's taking twists and turns. This is a painful yet beautiful and amazing journey. This is a journey of return. This is the real me coming back to me. This is the most important journey of my life and as such I'm starting to feel pride. Proud to be so brake, so strong, so determined and yet so vulnerable and fragile at the same time.